you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
