In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
