her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
