oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
