sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
