Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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