you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
