I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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