I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
