He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
