i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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