I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
