I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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