it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think my moral compass just broke
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
