no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
