Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
