please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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