life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
