jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
