I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
