too bad you live with your parents still
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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