This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
