Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
