saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
