Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
