Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
