We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
