You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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