you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
