I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
