I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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