went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
