Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
