so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
