allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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