I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
