a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
