I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
