Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
