Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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