Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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