You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
