So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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