see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
