i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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