Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
