Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
