I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't turn off my feet"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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