Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
