Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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