Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
