A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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