My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
