Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
