Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
