He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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